Why Your Family and Social Background Will Determine Your Happiness and Success as an Attorney More than Your Academics or Firm

Description

In this webinar, Harrison delves into profound lessons about success, educational backgrounds, and the influence of environments on career trajectories.

Harrison shares personal anecdotes and insights garnered from his experiences, shedding light on why individuals may struggle to reach their full potential despite their efforts. From the impact of prestigious schools to the expectations within certain peer groups, Harrison emphasizes the importance of understanding these dynamics for personal and professional growth.

Through examples ranging from hiring practices to personal relationships, Harrison illustrates how societal expectations and personal values shape one's perception of success and happiness. He emphasizes the need to take responsibility for one's own success, highlighting the transformative power of surrounding oneself with supportive peers and aligning with personal values.

In essence, the webinar underscores the significance of mindset, self-awareness, and intentional networking in navigating the complexities of career advancement. By embracing gratitude, resilience, and a commitment to personal growth, attendees are empowered to shape their own paths to success.

Transcript:

Welcome to this webinar. This particular webinar today is one of the more important ones you could watch. It'll teach you profound lessons about success, why people go to good schools, and why certain individuals coming from different environments often fail, no matter what they do. I see this firsthand in my job with people who never reach their full potential. It's crucial to understand, as it can change your life, career direction, and profoundly impact your career.

Before starting this webinar, I was jotting down some notes and something interesting struck me. I used to be in business with Tony Robbins, a motivational speaker. I attended an event where a wealthy individual shared his experiences after selling his real estate company for hundreds of millions. Despite his wealth, he felt unhappy and decided to invest in personal development. He learned valuable lessons, which I'll share shortly.

The structure of this webinar is simple: I'll give a presentation, followed by a brief break, then answer your questions. Today's topic is significant because it can radically alter your career trajectory and shed light on why you might not be where you want to be professionally.

It's common for people from top schools to struggle in their careers. I encounter this regularly, observing resumes and job searches. Values and perspectives play a crucial role in shaping one's legal career. I'll share a personal story to illustrate this point.

During my dad's second divorce, I found myself in an uncomfortable environment. Comparing himself to his more successful peers made him unhappy. Similarly, many attorneys gauge their success based on others, impacting their happiness.

It's essential to surround yourself with supportive individuals who uplift you. Seeking approval and fitting into certain social groups often drives people to prestigious colleges and law schools. While the curriculum may be similar, the expectations and backgrounds differ, influencing your aspirations and desire for approval.

Being among high-achieving peers can either motivate or intimidate. It's crucial to have role models and supportive networks. So, understanding the dynamics of your environment is crucial for personal and professional growth.

One reason people often do better attending certain schools or working at specific firms is due to the expectations and mindset of those around them. This is crucial in defining oneself within a peer group. The most successful individuals often set their standards according to their peers. For instance, in my experience running an asphalt business, hiring individuals from familiar social circles often resulted in challenges.

Despite being easily accessible, these hires frequently lacked commitment and would abandon tasks midway. Many felt a sense of superiority over manual labor, preferring clerical or office jobs despite the lower pay. Their reluctance to be associated with certain types of work hindered business growth.

To address this, I began recruiting from blue-collar neighborhoods where workers embraced the opportunity and took pride in their tasks. Their enthusiasm and dedication were palpable, leading to better quality work and increased productivity. These workers, unlike their counterparts, found fulfillment in their jobs and were motivated by the recognition and compensation they received.

This underscores a fundamental truth: our perception of ourselves and our success is heavily influenced by how others view us. We inherently seek validation and esteem from our peers, shaping our self-worth accordingly. Surrounding oneself with supportive peers can profoundly impact one's career trajectory, as seen in my father's experience.

In my business, certain roles didn't make people feel good or provide high status, while others did.

My first job was at a small firm, Emanuel, with about 35 attorneys. Many partners came from there, including those from the University of Iowa. It's uncommon for top firms to hire from there, preferring Ivy League graduates.

Many successful attorneys come from various backgrounds. Some believe landing a position at a prestigious firm like Cravath is a blessing, while others feel exploited, especially when unemployed.

The values of your peer group and alma mater influence career aspirations. Schools like Yale prioritize public service, while others like NYU emphasize law firms.

Attorneys' career choices often stem from personal experiences, like seeing their parents being wronged.

Our values are shaped by external approval or disapproval, especially from parents. Our identities are molded by how others perceive us.

Different environments reinforce distinct value systems, affecting our perception of success and happiness. Internalized beliefs about success influence our choices.

In life, many people struggle with self-doubt and comparison, often leading to feelings of inadequacy. The concept of success varies widely among individuals; some prioritize personal relationships, while others chase economic or social achievements, such as career advancement or prestigious titles. Society's standards, often shaped by peers and family, contribute to these pressures. High-pressure environments, like competitive schools, can exacerbate these feelings, as seen in personal anecdotes.

Consider the story of a friend who battled alcoholism and academic struggles amidst high expectations. Despite innate intelligence, he struggled to meet the lofty standards set by his family and peers. Rejected from his preferred college, he spiraled into self-destructive behaviors, fueled by a sense of failure and the perceived judgment of those around him. Perhaps in a less demanding environment, he could have thrived, escaping the cycle of negativity and finding true happiness.

The story highlights the detrimental effects of societal pressures and unrealistic expectations on mental well-being. It serves as a reminder to prioritize self-acceptance and seek environments conducive to personal growth rather than succumbing to external pressures.

It's interesting, another example of someone with serious problems brought on by unmet expectations. I dated this woman, pretty, smart, motivated, and financially successful, all making her special. I loved her. But she had a serious alcohol problem. She'd drink a lot every night, sometimes all day on weekends, calling it happy hour, drinking while we talked. It wasn't enjoyable. She was depressed despite her success, nice house, car, good mother. From a Mormon family, she felt pressured by their expectations, even though she felt the religion was sexist.

Leaving the church, she started drinking, feeling cast out, not living up to her family's values. Despite their concern, she felt bad, not meeting their expectations. I realized I couldn't live with her alcohol issues, so I let things fade out. Eventually, she returned to the church, stopped drinking, became happier, aligning with her family's values.

People struggle with not meeting expectations, feeling inadequate compared to peers. My stepbrother, despite not following a traditional path, found success and happiness, satisfied with his achievements. Conversely, a friend from a competitive background struggled to feel good enough.

Being in the wrong atmosphere with wrong expectations can eat you up, affecting your whole life or career. People constantly compare themselves, lawyers from different firms thinking they're superior. It's a cycle of comparison, defining oneself based on others' perceptions. Comparisons and values shape happiness.

Your value system and beliefs determine your happiness and success. Happiness hinges on achievement. Consider my father's example: he felt like a failure compared to more successful acquaintances. Your socio-economic background influences personal achievement. I noticed a trend among hires from upper-middle-class environments; they seemed unhappy and unenthusiastic. Conversely, hires from working-class backgrounds, like those from Detroit, were content and eager to work. They valued their pay, enjoyed the job, and appreciated the change of scenery.

An illustrative anecdote involves a man from an Orthodox Jewish family in Brooklyn who left home at 19. Despite attending a top law school, his youth hindered job prospects. Frustration led him to resign from the bar. He struggled, eventually drifting aimlessly. His Orthodox family's values clashed with his ambitions, leaving him adrift.

Success is within reach regardless of background or education. The self-help industry promotes this idea. However, environmental factors can hinder progress. Motivation and self-help tools empower individuals to overcome obstacles. Society aims for meritocracy, ensuring equal opportunities through measures like affirmative action. However, the emphasis on meritocracy can lead to feelings of inadequacy when success eludes individuals. Excuses abound, blaming external factors for personal shortcomings.

Societal expectations and individual perceptions of success often clash, leading to blame and discontent. Despite challenges, success is achievable with determination and the right mindset.

The point is that you need to understand: you'll never succeed unless you take responsibility for your own success. You can't blame others or your environment. Steve Bing's story illustrates this. Despite wealth and success, he was unhappy. Many feel pressured to fit certain molds to be loved, leading to unhappiness.

There's a trend among certain groups, like Persians in LA, to pursue entrepreneurship. Background influences one's path; family expectations shape ambitions. Tiger Woods and Serena Williams are examples. Like Kaia Gerber following her parents into modeling.

Your surroundings shape your outlook. People attend prestigious schools for connections, not just education. Environment influences our views on success. Values learned early affect career choices. Many enter law firms without understanding their values, leading to failure.

Are your parents expecting something else from you? Perhaps, who knows? But if your value system doesn't support it, you'll never do well. A lot of times, what happens is an alignment with what others think you should be, and that can hurt you. Surrounding yourself with a certain type of person can continually remind you that you should be different, which might not appeal to you. You're constantly reminded of this negativity, especially in large law firms, where everyone is plotting their escape to go in-house or elsewhere.

You need to escape this negativity and overcome these traumas. I grew up in an environment filled with divorces, substance abuse, and stepfamilies. I didn't associate with kids from stable families because I wouldn't have felt good about myself. When I got into college, I joined a wild fraternity similar to the one in Animal House. It took me a long time to associate with people of higher standards who motivated me to do better.

Many people come from environments where they aren't taught the values I'm sharing. They continue this pattern and struggle to succeed. However, you don't always need to live by others' values. You can motivate yourself independently through self-help resources. Surrounding yourself with successful people is crucial. I belong to groups where I'm surrounded by more successful individuals, which raises my expectations.

Anthony Robbins once faced joining an expensive group of successful men. Despite the cost, he realized that the values and ideas he'd gain were invaluable. Your environment shapes your values more than anything. Robbins still values being part of this group, proving its impact.

Each of us deserves love for ourselves and others. If you don't feel worthy of this love, you may have allowed others to influence your values. Robbins broke free from this using self-help tools and by surrounding himself with different peer groups.

To succeed, choose to be the person you want to be. Surround yourself with people who support your values and goals. Your chosen values will determine your success.

Welcome to our session! Feel free to ask as many career-related questions as you like. I'm here to provide insights.

So, the first question is intriguing. Moving from a council position at a top-tier firm to a boutique firm—is it a downgrade? Well, firms like Skadden see becoming a council as prestigious as partnership elsewhere. However, the drawback is dependency on the firm for work. Lateral moves to boutique firms offer more control over your career but lack the security of a steady client base.

While being a council at a top firm like Skadden offers a good income, moving back after leaving can be challenging. Generating significant business at a boutique firm might open doors to larger firms but still presents hurdles.

Now, onto the next question about overcoming career gaps based on socio-economic backgrounds. While privilege can ease networking, success in law ultimately depends on merit. Hard work, dedication, and not taking opportunities for granted are universally respected in the legal profession.

In essence, recognizing shared experiences can foster connections, but meritocracy still prevails. So, focus on demonstrating your skills and dedication, regardless of your background.

If you want to succeed, ensure you have the right mindset. Many individuals from less privileged backgrounds enter professions like law, aiming to earn high salaries. They focus solely on the monetary aspect, unaware of the additional commitments required for success. Conversely, those from privileged backgrounds understand the importance of long-term dedication and work ethic, having observed their parents and peers. They know that success entails more than just a paycheck.

Coming from a privileged environment, you learn early on the importance of hard work and involvement in professional associations. However, individuals from less privileged backgrounds may lack this insight, leading to a disconnect between expectations and reality. While not everyone faces this issue, it often contributes to the success gap between individuals from different backgrounds.

In your career, you'll encounter varying opinions about your work from colleagues, clients, and supervisors. This is normal, as different people have different perspectives. To navigate these external judgments, focus on doing your best work without letting others' opinions affect you. Remain committed to your values and goals, regardless of others' perceptions. Remember, dedication and excellence in your work will ultimately lead to success.

Maintaining confidence in your abilities is crucial, even when faced with criticism or differing opinions. Don't let external judgments shake your self-image. Instead, concentrate on delivering high-quality work and staying true to your principles. By prioritizing excellence and resilience, you'll thrive in your legal career, regardless of others' perceptions.

Do you worry that your background might hinder your professional advancement? Can you overcome these doubts and thrive? Absolutely. Here's how.

To maximize your potential, immerse yourself in your field. Whether securing a top job or starting your own practice, give it your all. Learn, set goals, and absorb knowledge from various sources—YouTube tutorials, books, and peers.

Confidence lacking? Build it. Dive into your endeavors with zeal, utilizing your greatest resource—your mind. Your mindset shapes your journey; if you can master it, you can overcome any obstacle.

Addressing social class and background's impact on success is crucial but sensitive. While my article sparked controversy, it shed light on the subtle barriers individuals face. In a meritocratic society like the U.S., discussions on these topics evoke discomfort. Yet, acknowledging them is vital for progress.

Consider a 3L student's query about socioeconomic background's effect on success. Despite adversity, they secured a prestigious attorney position. My advice? Embrace your journey. Leverage your unique perspective and work ethic to excel. Surround yourself with supportive networks and seize every opportunity.

In a competitive environment, your determination sets you apart. Embrace feedback, cultivate gratitude, and commit to continuous improvement. Your resilience and diligence will propel you forward, ensuring success in any endeavor.

One thing I see all the time is attorneys and big firms not being grateful for their opportunities. You need to be grateful and work harder. Make others feel good about giving you work. Avoid toxic people who don't appreciate the opportunity. Surround yourself with positivity. Your legal career is crucial, so don't jeopardize it with negativity.

Regarding rental properties, don't mention them in resumes or interviews. It's not relevant and might give the impression you're planning to leave. Surround yourself with positive information. Understand the importance of grades and the job market.

Thank you for joining the webinar. Your background and choices matter. Surround yourself with the right people. Feel free to ask questions and continue learning. Your participation can change your career trajectory. See you next week!